a note, or maybe an explanation

I don’t blog much these days, and certainly not about the more personal and family stuff that I used to share, alongside the designing and making.

I’ve touched on issues as to why this is on Facebook, but in a nutshell, I’ve found impossible to be honest with myself in my blog, plus my personal creative work suffered, so I made a decision that I wouldn’t share what previously I might have been able to here on my blog

I was already suffering with some slight anxiety about my creative work, when I started to be bullied at work, which even now seems like an incredible thing to say. There were other things going on too, but they were not me, even though I was affected by them, they’ve been shared elsewhere, and I don’t want to discuss that right now.

I would consider myself to be quite a strong person, and how that person I thought I was could be bullied at work seems ridiculous, stupid in fact, but looking back at it now, I thought I could rely on a couple of people who I thought would help me and look after me, sadly that didn’t happen.

It’s taken a great deal to get past that, and I’ve only recently accepted that you don’t always get back what you invest in people. Trust is something that I’m being careful with again, one of the reasons I’ve done stupid things is because I think I’ve overstepped the mark so withdraw everything, sadly some people who I genuinely care a great deal about have experienced this, and I’m sorry for that.

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With the bullying episode, it lasted for almost a year, and totally affected my working position, if it happens to you, don’t just let it carry on, you need to make people know, because the worse thing I did was not make it official until it was too late.

Something else, don’t let yourself be left alone with your bully, mine always said things when there were no other witnesses, the only time she didn’t, I was told that I ‘misinterpreted’ what she had said…..

By my actions of not dealing with it quickly, meant my bully was believed, and had to the nerve to say to me after the investigation in which she was cleared, that ‘she would never had said those things because she was a Christian……’

For me this all finished about a year ago, and I’m now only just getting over it, just writing this seems a bit crazy!

What changed was at the end of June I left that role and company, and went to work at a company which I’d known for a few years, full of really lovely people, who want me do what I’m good at, rather than make me do something that I had no faith in, and didn’t believe in either.

I’ve been there for six months and I love it, it’s everything I wanted, and I’m so happy to be there and working with a great team of people, I know it will be challenging, but I want and need positive challenges.

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Over the past 6 months I’ve also started to run, something that I never dreamt I could do, I’m building back up to doing 5k again, after a bit of a foot injury towards the end of the year.

I also did Festival of Crafts again, plus the Christmas Market at the Maltings for the first time, and my desire to design, create and take part in events has returned, plus John and I have created our first truly collaborative range, and will be doing more going forward.

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Last year if I’d set a New Year resolution it would have to have escape my job, and very little more, it was the complete focus of my life, so I’m glad I did it, but actually now I’ve left that behind I have so much more to look forward to.

I don’t do resolutions, I want to feel free to do what I want, and this is the first time in a long time I felt like I can, I hope you feel like that too.

My last word on  being bullied at work, don’t hope it will go away, you have to deal with it, before the damage at work damages you in a way which will take a lot longer than just trying to find a new job, check out this site or the government site.

I hope this explains some of my lack of communication on here, and I hope there will be more positive stuff coming soon!