inspired by honesty

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earlier today when I wrote my previous post I toyed with being honest about how I have felt recently and the effect this has had on my creative work, I have found it increasingly hard to separate everything that is going on in my life, and how everything is slowing down my brain, and killing off my energy, including creatively.

Last night I got a lovely e-mail from Julie, this helped to perk me up, and I decided that yes, I should try to sort it out, and the posting earlier I hope was the start, but I cannot promise anything!
Then this evening, Ali left a comment on the previous post, about knowing how much to share, and then she did, on her blog, and she made me cry : ) I cried because this ‘little’ world of blogging has made me realise that I’m not alone, that by sharing, however hard it may seem sometimes, can help, both yourself and others.
Even though I feel like a pair of mouldy pants, someone else does too, and I may, be able to help them, and them help me : )
So through the power of the internet, I will share a problem that I have had over the past ten days at school, no names have been changed, but I cannot be sued!

The past ten days at school have been awful, Edward had been due to go on a school visit, last Tuesday, to the museum in (a random town with many roundabouts!), and they have been working on a project related to this. Well of course this is very exciting, especially to Edward, it would be the first school trip he would get to go on, as he has always missed previous ones.
But, and you knew there would be a big one, it all started to go wrong the Friday before the trip, I was rung by his class teacher and asked to collect him during lunch, she didn’t say much, other than he wouldn’t eat his lunch and he was being disruptive.
I walked into his classroom to be greeted by three adults, his teacher, his LSA and the other classroom assistant, Edward was hiding on the floor behind a curtain and the contents of his table strewn across the floor. Edward was muttering to himself and was obviously very anxious and upset.
I spoke to the ‘adults’ and was told what he had done etc, and I have now gone to the point of on the whole of letting them just go through the motions, because on the whole they have repeatably proved they do not understand Edward or his needs. I let them finish, then went to Edward, I got down to his level, and asked him what was wrong, all he was worried about was that he was not going to be able to stay at Nanas that night as had been arranged, and he was so upset, so very calmly, I told him it was fine, he would be staying at Nanas, but we had to tidy up this mess, at this he burst into tears, and hugged me, I was almost in tears by now as well : )

So we got up, and he said sorry to his LSA, the only one I think has Edward’s best interests at heart, and know what should be done, it is a shame she does not have more power. We tidied up his desk, made it all neat, and I got him to collect his coat, bag and lunchbox, which he did. While he was gone, his teacher, asked me if ‘I could have a word with him about his behavior’ !!!!!!!! I didn’t answer, Edward walked back in and we said goodbye and left.

So we had the weekend, and went back to school on the Monday, no phonecall, nothing, so I go to collect Edward at lunchtime as normal, as I walk in the main entrance I’m accosted by the Head, I’m taken into the office.
I’m told that Edward will not be going on the school trip, as he has been ‘naughty’ again that morning e.g. rude words, hitting, not doing work etc. So he will not be going on the trip as he is ‘too dangerous’, and I believe it was said that it was a punishment for his behaviour!
I leave the office, and next the Head speaks to Edward in front of other children and adults and tells him that he will not be going and why! Then we leave…. I say sorry to Edward, and tell him it is not his fault and not to worry. The other thing is of course that he will have to stay at home on Tuesday, because his LSA is going on the school trip!!!

On Tuesday I take William in, and I drop into Edwards class to ask his LSA if she can get any info they are working on in the museum so we can do with him another day, she says she will.
At this point I should have left, but I didn’t!!!
I then asked her when did she know about Edward not going on the trip, she said, at the same time Edward was told, she was sitting next to him at the time. I couldn’t believe it, the one person, who knows him better than any other adult in that school, and no she hadn’t even been asked, she also said that when she had come in that day, she didn’t know if she was going on the trip or staying at school and working with Edward! So the head and the class teacher made the decision without asking her, I could have screamed!!!
She asked me if I wanted to speak to the teacher, and I guess I was quite blunt, I said no, I didn’t think an argument in the classroom full of kids would be a good idea!

The end to this is, Edward and I had a nice Tuesday together, he went and played with a friend of mine little boy, and later we mooched around at home. When he went back to school on Wednesday he was fine, no problems, and the whole the rest of the week was good.

The moral to this story, I don’t think there is one, other than I long for edward to be happy, I hope that will happen sooner rather than later.

I hope this hasn’t been too boring or heavy, and this is only half of it!!!