just watched
on More 4, Stanley Kubricks Boxes, and it was wonderful.
I’m sure it has been on before, but I must have missed, or something, but I’m so glad I have seen it now, and maybe seeing it now was for the best. Watching about a man, who was accused of being mad, eccentric, a recluse, when actually what he was, was a man you seeked perfection and wanted to get things right. I think I know some other people like that too : )
If you didn’t see it, try to if it is on again, or if you can see it online, because it confirmed to me that he was a true visionary in the world of film, and that his eye for detail was quite incredible. It is a shame in this period of time, there is not more of the way he worked, everything has to be rushed…
Thank you to all of you who commented on yesterdays post, I have replied to some of you, sorry if I haven’t got to you yet : )
Today was better, but you never know why, or why tomorrow might be worse, or better again, I wish I knew, I wish I could get into their heads and see the world through their eyes, I love them both dearly, I just wish that sometimes I could understand them too.
I also want to say that on the whole I’m not having a go at someone, because of how my son has behaved, I’m just frustrated, because I seem to be unable to be able to do what is expected of me as a mother, the thing you are genetically programmed to do, I’m don’t feel like I’m able to make that good a job out of it, but hey, I’m not bad with a bag : )
16th July 2008 @ 9:19 am
Not to bring religion into the picture but I totally believe that God gave me the kids I have because no one else can understand them and raise them like me. He knew me and He knew them and thus we are together. I totally believe that for you and your children as well. Many people believe that I am doing a “bad” job. Everyone seems to have an input of how I can do it better. I say, “No!!! I am doing what I think should be done, not what anyone else even suggests (unless I think it should be done lol).” I totally believe that my son would not do well in a normal classroom setting. So I am home schooling him and I get angry when people tell me that I shouldn’t. My kids are very hyper-active and I get angry when people suggest that a good spanking never hurt anyone. Now I am not knocking public schools or spanking. It is just that you don’t have to do what people think you should be “able” to do. I think that you understand that your children are individuals and not drones who behave the same as everyone else and that your parenting is the best that you can give and that is all you need. I don’t mean to preach or get on a soap box. But I just want to encourage you that I can see that just you speaking your concerns proves to me that you are doing your best and that you can rest in the fact that the rest is up to your kids.
I hope this doesn’t offend you in anyway.
Wendy
16th July 2008 @ 7:44 pm
Your children are lovely and I know you are doing your best in very difficult circumstances. The people who are hurt by your children feel they are owed apologies but it must be the offender who is sorry, even if it takes a very long time for him to realise what he has done. It goes without saying that YOU are sorry! They must also understand and realise that. Try not to be so beaten down by the system and those who are attempting, (often without expert knowledge of the problem or its resolution!), to put things into place.
Chin up! xx
17th July 2008 @ 10:05 am
I don’t say this too many people but it may help. I’ve spent many years working with children with all kinds of learning difficulties; deafness, austism, aspergers and all kinds of language disorders. You learn a great deal of ‘stuff’ from books and from educational specialists but the one thing you have to discover for yourself is how much better things work out when you learn to treat the parent as the expert. I can’t think of one occasion when talking with the parent didn’t show more light on ‘issues’ than wading in assuming that school had all the answers. It never worked that way. All children are difficult at times and yours probably find some things upsetting and then can’t or don’t explain their feelings which then escalates into these eruptions you get at times. Then because others make you feel bad about your skills as mum you take it all to heart. A mum once told me that she smacked her son 35 times becaue he wouldn’t get ready for school and she had to be here there and everywhere else and ……. Some of this anger and frustration was due to how she felt other parents in the playground were always telling her what to do. Blaming her…. and her helplessness. (She solved it by the promise of 5 minutes of his favourite video as long as he was dressed by whatever time it was.) Children always pick up on your feelings and sometimes it frightens them. Dont’t allow others to make you feel pressured. You’re doing your best and you have the right to love them for who they are and the rewards will come. Sometimes just because you’re all happier. Learn to ignore others when you feel their judging you. They don’t have that right. There children probably aren’t perfect either. I know mine aren’t. Hold your head up high – you’re doing just fine.
17th July 2008 @ 1:47 pm
I think you just have to say to the teacher, “I’m really sorry he hit you’ – which will make her feel better – and then say – ‘but what we both need to do now is to find out why. What brought him to such a state of anger and confusion and upset that he felt that was his only option – then we can make sure he doesn’t feel that way again. (which will make you feel better) To me the problem is why he did it, not the actual deed, why he felt so bad – not that he threw a punch. He’s only little! – then he hid under the table, bless him. Whatever the situation was, he just couldn’t handle it. Ask the teacher what she thinks, he doesn’t normally walk into school and start throwing punches does he! And last week you had a lovely happy Parents Evening, just keep thinking of that. You are doing what you are genetically programmed and supposed to do – you’re protecting your offspring!! And I dont know what you’re making but it looks FAB. I love the heart inside the house ……….. there’s some sort of lovely symbolism going on there! xx
17th July 2008 @ 4:18 pm
i really feel for you when i read your posts about the boys. you do a fab job with them, and have already got them through some trickt stuff, you’ll get through this too, i’m sure. parenting is something we all have to work at, it didn’t come naturally to me either. i find i’m often questioning myself and wishing i’d dealt with certain situations differently. but hey, it’s so easy to see things that way with hindsight. at the end of the day, we’re all just doing our best. i know what you mean about wishing you could see the world as they see it, i look into lucy’s eyes so much and all that goes through my head is i wish i knew what she was really thinking. take care, xx.